Have you ever done something that seemed absolutely impossible? Maybe it wasn’t totally impossible, but it was something you never thought that you would do. Lately, more and more things have seemed impossible for me. One thing that I always believed was impossible for me was writing a book. Over the years, I have attempted to write eleven books, three TV shows, and two musicals. Now, a large portion of those books were awful, the TV shows never got past the first scene, and I can only pray to God that my musicals never see the light of day. Admittedly, I wrote a fair amount of stories in middle school, before I had any idea what grammar was.
There was one idea in particular that always stuck with me. It was about a girl named Lex. It was a messy story, but it was one that consumed my life. Every time something happened, any time inspiration would captivate my brain, it was about this trio of friends who couldn’t be separated. So I wrote it. And I wrote it. And I rewrote it. And then I deleted everything I wrote and vowed never to write again. And then ten minutes later I started writing again. But I never actually thought I would write a book. It was a feat that seemed absolutely impossible. And as I write this, I still have trouble believing that I actually accomplished it. But it wasn’t all me, and it definitely wasn’t for the faint of heart.
I would not have gotten this written if it hadn’t been for my study hall buddy. She accidentally found out that I was writing a book, and was quite possibly the only reason I actually managed to write my book. I think part of my biggest issue was that I was afraid of what people might think. There are so many people who say they want to write a book, but most never make an effort. If I didn’t tell anyone I wanted to be a writer, no one would be disappointed in me when I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do.
And then, the impossible happened; I finished a novel. Of course, that was with the encouragement of a good friend. That encouragement mostly consisted of school emails, study halls spent watching Grey’s and Supernatural, and lots of cheesecake. Suddenly, the impossible seemed… possible. In the words of Audrey Hepburn, “Nothing is impossible. Even the word says ‘I’m possible.'”
“Is not all human life a struggle? Our lives are like that of a hired hand.” – Job 7:1
Recently, I’ve been doing polls on Instagram to see what readers want to hear about on my blog. When the votes came in favoring Job, I was excited. Growing up in church, I’d heard the story of Job a thousand times, but I’d never actually read it. And reading it, I realized something incredibly important: Job has more soliloquys than Hamlet. In fact, chapters 3 through 40 are just responses and speeches. There aren’t any paragraphs… just stanzas.
But within those stanzas, Job 7:1 stood out to me. At first, I thought I would talk about the story of Job, and his faith. But instead, I found myself enthralled with this verse. It so aptly describes what it means to be human. Life is a struggle. We can all relate to that. I struggled for six years trying to write my book. Even more than that, I struggled with EDS my senior year. Part of the reason I was able to sit down and actually write a novel was because I was in too much pain to do anything else.
Honestly, I think that the struggle is what made writing worth it. If writing a novel was easy, everyone would do it. But writing a novel isn’t easy, and honestly, God doesn’t call all of us to write one. God calls us to live our lives for Him. But it is ultimately our choice as to how we live our lives, and who we live our lives for. Job spent 35 chapters doubting God, only to realize that he was completely wrong. Job isn’t a story about a man’s faithfulness; Job is a story about humanity. It is the truth about how we live. If we love God because life is easy, and we don’t welcome our doubts and bring them to God, we aren’t really living for God.
But if we are able to live and love God in the midst of struggles, we are truly living life for Him. And I couldn’t imagine being the ‘hired hand’ for anyone else. Because living for Him is all that really matters.
180 by Jordan Feliz
“Call me home, I want to be your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are”